My choice.
Today is the one-week mark from my weight loss surgery (wls).
First let me catch you up. It wasn’t until I turned 40 that I truly start to
think about my weight and how it was becoming a serious issue. I was living
blissfully in denial. It’s not that I didn’t know I was obese, morbidly obese
but I was happy not acknowledging it. I’d have those moments where I needed a
new outfit for a special occasion or the “photo” you know the one I mean…the
one that you see and wonder who the heck that person is….oh…it’s me. I had
those and I had them often…but I’d make an excuse and retreat back into bliss.
I was fat when I was married and my kids never said anything in the beginning.
Matt once made a comment about a person in the store line ahead of us, he asked
why she was so fat. Mortified I explained that fat wasn’t a nice word so fat
was and still is not spoken in our house…we prefer to say flat J so I was no longer fat
I was flat, which Matty pointed out several times that day. Fast forward to a routine (see I’m still in
denial) Dr’s appointment. I’m sure the appointment had to do with my
uncontrolled diabetes, it was nothing but routine. I was at my heaviest a whopping
322 pounds. I was being threatened with insulin. I wasn’t in control of my life
anymore. So that started my first journey, after of course drowning my sorrow
in the snack or snacks of the week. I have no idea how much I gained after that
appointment but I usually say my heaviest weight was 325, it also makes the
math much easier and if you know me you know I need all the math help I can
get! Once I snapped out of the carb coma I was trying to put myself in I
started working out. I tried going to the local gym, after all I’d had a
membership for quite a while and never stepped foot inside. I found it
overwhelming. A friend asked me to join her a curves…. there, I found my fit. I
stayed at curves for almost a year before hitting a plateau so I decided to try
the gym again. By this time I’d lost a good amount of weight. It worked and
after a year or so I’d gone down to around 200lbs where I fluctuated between
195-205 for a long time. Then some life
events happened and I started to lose control…and with that started to gain
some weight. And more weight. I got up to 250 give or take. So here I was….I
swore this wouldn’t happen to me. Right then I started workout out again.
Watching what I ate. But the life events took the better part of me and it
seemed no matter what I did or how hard I worked out, not matter how little I
ate I couldn’t drop the weight. In fact I ended up at 274…holy crap! So…I upped
the workouts opting to go back to the personal trainer and doing group boot
camp classes 4-6 times per week. I did that for 9 months rarely missing a
workout watching what I ate and only lost around 8 lbs. I was devastated. It
was a year or so ago that my doctor brought up WLS and I quickly dismissed the
idea. I did it once I can do it again right? Right? Wrong! So I talked to the
Mr about it and decided that this was going to be my last option for help. He
was and is completely on board. I know that as my weight changed my moods changed with it. My
weight went up and my mood when down. I didn’t want to go out anymore I refused
going to any work events with him and felt like I had retreated back into a
dark place. I called and made an
appointment with a doctor I knew and trusted and my journey was started. I had
some second thoughts along the way, who wouldn’t? May 2nd was my apt
it was also the last day I had refined sugar, sans a Hershey bar, a small scoop
of ice cream and my favorite sugar cookie, not all at once and non of them held
power over me anymore. So I had resigned myself to a life of no desserts. Ever.
I’ve always been more of a savory person anyway, I could live without that
sugar, could I live without chips? I had already cut out break, pasta and rice
(except for the occasional sushi treat) and even in my gain I didn’t start them
again. But chips? If I’m honest I can tell you that there were times I’d
purchase a bag or can and have them opened and digging in before even leaving
the store parking lot. They are my weakness.
Thankfully?? I’m a chip snob and am quite picking about which I’ll eat
so while I refuse to keep chips in the house (and btw I’m talking potatoes
chips not tortilla, we need those for taco’s and they don’t’ have the hold on
my that pc have) could I live without PC?? Yes I can. You’re very lucky if you
don’t have a trigger food; this was a serious decision for me that I didn’t
take lightly. If I was going to do this it made no since to keep things in my
life, in my diet that could ultimately derail me. If I don’t change then I
won’t change and I wanted change. I wanted change more then anything. I was ready to move forward. There were several hoops I had to jump
through and it took a little longer then I had patience for. I was ready and I
wanted to move forward before I slipped. I was strong and held my position. I
faltered (see the refined sugar references above) but when those items didn’t
give me what I was looking for it only reinforced my decision. I was still
ready. Insurance approval came and a surgery date was given. This was going to
happen! I had 3 weeks until surgery. A crazy restrictive pre-op diet and
determination!
The morning before surgery I weighted in at 257 I had lost
around 17 pounds. You might be thinking, if I could do that why couldn’t I just
continue and not have surgery. Well let me answer that J this was a very restrictive
diet of around 750 calories, I knew unless I had the WLS tool there was no way
I could sustain this mean plan without slipping. I know there are people who
can, I’m just not one of them.
The morning of surgery I had to get up super early. Because
of a very persistent hiatal hernia that had been repaired and failed twice
before the doctor wanted me to be the only case for that day…making my surgery
first. From a thirst perspective SCORE from a sleepy perspective bummer!
Everyone at the hospital was amazing! I got right in and hooked up all the
normal pre op stuff and before I knew it I was wheeled into my very own
surgical sweet. Having worked at the hospital in the ER I love seeing all the prep and equipment, I
even think I asked if someone could video tape the surgery for me J next thing I knew I
was in recovery with some of the worst imaginable pain I’d ever had! I
couldn’t’ figure out what was going on, the pain was in my left hand….was this
a joke? Did they get me mixed up with someone and do the wrong surgery….I was
still in a brain fog from the anesthesia but holy cow was in pain, a pain like
I had never had before. The nurse kept
trying to get me to settle down and my mouth was so dry I couldn’t talk. I
pointed to my lips and was quickly given a wet washcloth and chap stick J so I told her about
the pain. She explained that my surgery took almost 6 hours instead of the
planned 3 but that Dr O was able to fix my hernia, in a way that hadn’t been
used on the 2 previous attempts as well as removed multiple adhesions from
those said surgeries. She also told me that if I didn’t’ settle down I was
going to end up on a cpap and apparently before I was fully awake I mentioned
several time how I did NOT want that J
so she got me some ice for my hand. More then likely the nerve pain I was
having was from the nerve being stretched a little too far along with the
position of my arm from the extended surgery time. I actually had more pain
from my hand then my surgery. I was basically pain free from the surgery. My
hand pain remained pretty intense for a few hours, I tried using the morphine
pain pump but it only gave me 2 ½ minutes of relief every 15 minutes so between
my hand and the staff checking on me every 45-60 minutes I got no rest at all
that first night. I was able to get up and walk a few laps around the floor,
impressing the staff again since I was only expected to sit on the side of the
bed. I was hit with a few rounds of nausea but the meds seemed to help with
that. The morphine seemed to make the nausea worse and since I was basically
getting very little relief I stopped using it after a few rounds. I think in
the early morning hours I was able to drift off to sleep for 10-15 minutes
twice. Needless to say Wednesday I was very tired.
Wednesday my hand was still hurting but not as intense, what
started out as three fingers or two fingers and a thumb J was now down to 2 ½ fingers
so I knew relief was on the way I just needed to be patient. I got my last dose
of anti-nausea meds in the early afternoon, the finally gave me some Phenergan,
shut my door and let me rest for a bit. I didn’t sleep much but was able to
rest uninterrupted. I was up and walking
every few hours doing up to 10 laps at a time. I’m also still NPO (nothing by
mouth) that was hard, I wasn’t really hungry but I felt pretty thirsty. I had
the only “what have I done moment” when all I could think about was pizza J I wasn’t hungry wasn’t
craving one so I’m not sure where this was coming from but it didn’t last long.
I was also starting to regret telling the few people about surgery that I
didn’t want visitors…I was pretty bored.
Thursday was my big day! I was scheduled for an upper GI to
make sure that there were no leaks in my new stomach, if the tests were good I
could start clear liquids. If a leak…not so good. I won’t go into that since I
passed and was able to start clear liquids, which I tolerated very well. My index finger and thumb were still numb and
tingling but getting better.
Friday, it’s discharge day!! I got to shower!! I am going
home with a drain
Overall this was a really good experience the staff was
amazing, I didn’t encounter one staff member or event I can complain about.
I weighed in as soon as I got home and was shocked to find
myself at 265.3 all my fears about this not working came true!! Lol OK so that
was my first thought but all you had to do was look at my swollen
belly…seriously I looked and felt about 8 months pregnant. Friday night great, the boys left to go with
friends and I just wondered around the house enjoying being at home.
The weekend passed without incident. I’m doing everything
I’m supposed to. I’m not hungry, not full, I’m just content. I have no regrets.
I already feel better, I feel better then I did the day before surgery.
Monday I couldn’t seem to get warm.
I started with a sweater….still cold
fingerless gloves…still cold
fuzzy winter socks….still cold
cranked the air up from my usual 74 to 78…ah sweet warmth J I was able to lose the
sweater and the gloves. I did end up putting my gloves back on later.
Today I weighed in at 254.9 and am still on the chilly side.
Seems crazy to say that in the middle of August. Normally I’m the person hot,
crazy hot giving the stink eye to those people in sweaters J
Today I weighed in at 254.9 I’m on the right track. Once I
get the drain out and feel more comfortable walking there will be no stopping
me. This isn't the right choice for everyone but it is the right choice for me.
I can do this.
I will do this.
There will be no stopping me.
